I enjoyed this Clement Freud (British politician,brother of Lucian) joke:
A man's wife warned him that if he ever got drunk again she would leave him. One night out he got very drunk and threw up over his suit. His friend told him not to worry, put a £20 note in his inside pocket, and to say to his wife that somebody else threw up on him and gave him the money to pay for the dry cleaning.
When he arrived home he was confronted by his wife and promptly took out the money and said it was from the man who threw up on him to pay for his dry cleaning. His wife pointed out that he was holding two £20 notes and he said: "The other one is from the man who shat in my pants".
I don't remember hearing Lucian Freud telling any jokes.
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