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i bet jesus didnt exist.
or if he did he was just some schizo tramp on too much red wine.
i bet he was out pissed with his mates in the desert and they only had 1 bottle of booze left in their sack, but they were all shitfaced and their double vision caused them to imagine there was like 3 bottles, and jesus made some crack about how he did that based on them winding him up previous about how he was such a fuckin miracle worker. and then they drank that and had run out completely but by pure luck jesus happened to find a bottle of vino in some obscure place, and they all laughed and it got exaggerated.
then one of them said "fuck me jesus, if you're a such a fuckin miracle worker that ya can find a bottle of wine some cunt has dropped off his horse out here in the desert why can't ya find me a fuckin woman that doesnt run at the sight of me! ahahaha!" and then one of them said "fuck me lads (they have irish accents now) if thats your fuckin miracle worker we'll all fuckin doomed, an alco arab who loves his prossies?" and they all thought this was fuckin hilarious. and they always went on about jesus the holy dude, who could magically replenish your booze after you drank it, and when jesus got crucified for knocking up some roman guards daughter they talked fondly of their dead friend, and hazy memory and embellishment created a story of oul' jesu, the most bitchinest bro to drink with, when that dude was around you were allways in the drink. and then some other idiot retold the story only it was like "yeah they say if you partied with this jesus dude you were GARUANTEED not to run out of booze, some always came along somehow. then that got retold as some mystic thing, and it went on and on as chinese whispers till he was turning fuckin water into wine.
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