A good auld slag some bands off thread
 

In the spirit of all things 6: world cup 66, Sonic Youth gossip 06', Route 66, and fucking Satan himself It is time for a good auld shambles on this ere' beloved sea of shite. Here gans.

What the fuck are the Arctic Monkeys deeing man. Their new music is million dollar production lounge wank. I was never a fan of these but at least their early shenanigans had kitchen sink reality slice of northern life an everyday sap like myself could relate. Bars, gambling in bars, generally being a northern cunt. Nowadays Alex Turner tries to sing in some high pitched falsetto croon that somehow makes David Bowie sound like he could actually sing.

Talking of pointless falsetto singing, what the fuck is that woman from Low deeing? Every last syllable of every word uttered is ended in this monotone falsetto warble. Every single line, every word, same tone. However, the music, as overreliant on studio technics as it is, can hit some decent grooves sparingly. I'm aware there's a few fans here so, my question to you would be what's gan on like mara? Yee dig this style of singing? or is she as one would assume, ruining every song?

Dry Cleaning: There is decent enough Johnny Marr worship to be found here in the guitar and bass tracks but then Morrissey's student cousin opens her gash to utter the most banal kitchen sink reality lyrics. Similar to Mozza are impressively relatable to a point, until it all descends into stream-of-consciousness gibberish of which any sane person predominantly keeps to themselves because uttering these thoughts would be boring, wouldn't it?

Talking of random stream-of-consciousness gibberish this leads us perfectly onto our next act - Girl/Gilla band. This singer has been singing the same track for aboot 7 years now, same tone deaf delivery of banal gibberish for 7 foken years man. Aye, It's good for his head N' that but does it make for good music?

It's pretty impressive how can type in a geordie accent

Cheers man! It's me' Geordie keyboard like

 

Random Fall reference bottom right...Ace mara

I had to google Artic Monkeys to understand what you mean. They've never been on my radar musically.

Apparently, though, that's the way she sung effortlessly. Hardly any artifice in her voice. I can understand it not being your thing, though. I think of myself as an active detractor of Bjork's voice. Admired by many, but brutal assault on my ears whenever I hear it.

Agreed; I don't think this mook knows what falsetto means.

I remember you slagging Low off maras, it was me and ye against the world mate! me and ye! that's how I remember?!

Brutal aye, perfect adjective description. Whenever I hear it, It's like nails on a chalkboard.

And aye, the Arctic Monkeys were always shite, but now they're like proper shite lad, was what I was getting at. Lyrics were northern decent and nay falsetto in sight. Nuw, I divin't nar what's garn on.

Oh hadaway and shite man. Shouldn't ye be off obsessing over the politics of a country you're not from? ye fucking wetwipe

Probably you remember me not being particularly taken by one of their records. And even if the case was of me dismissing a band altogether at any particular time, it's my ears and I can change how they feel about any musician's records if I want to. I'm not sure why I need to abide to any gate-keeping, dogmatic way of listening to music that ultimately is going to bore me and you over time.

The guy I'm into wants to fuck Alex Turner, I don't know how to feel about that.

I didn't know they are from Sheffield. I travel to Sheffield often because my partner is from there and he lives between London with me and Sheffield until we can settle with the dog somewhere in London. He always told me it's a shithole but it's not at all to me. I always have a good time there. One of my favourite things is going through the myriad second hand shops and I always manage to find things that in London would cost you much more. One of the best finds for me was in Kelham Island, the ''cool'' area of the city, where I found Rita Lee's biography for a few pounds in Portugese. Also, no way you can find anywhere in London the third series of Twin Peaks for two pounds (!) in pristine conditions in a charity shop. The botanical garden is stunning and Record Junkee is worth a visit to buy records. The staff are friendly, don't give a shit what you're into and have masses of records everywhere. Of course we always laugh and accuse each other of over romanticising our place of residence. Maybe I should move this post to TripAdvisor's website.

We're all living there, sonny, one way or another.

You put down Mimi Parker, you can't expect a different reaction. You used to be kinda funny, actually, but there was/is only one Mark E Smith...

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You throw ad hominem and belittle in an attempt to discredit my intelligence because you don't like my opinion on her singing. Ye basic specimen.
Are you trying to tell my I am not actually the reincarnation of Mr. Smith?! well, ye got me there pal. My body does however harbour the soul of a certain Freddie Mercury - Daaaaay Oh!

Sheffield a shithole: Ironically I thought London was a bit of dorty place when I was there a couple of months ago. Rubbish bags piled up on the streets, ultimately thanks to the IRA. The people I was with are from Spain and they were shocked at the state of the underground, the seats were black with dust. The housing was run down and had single glass windows yet when I checked the price of property in the area it would cost 250K minimum for a one bedroom in a high rise block and yet here we were in a well-off area, Islington. It felt surreal because if you come across a shabby high rise where I live It's time to turn around as you've wandered into a impoverished area and you're about to have your wallet taxed. You can buy a mansion up here for that price. The restaurants and even bars add a compulsory service charge to your bill at 15%. I did enjoy the place, for one the climate is warmer so It's possible to sit in a beer garden and not freeze your bollocks off for once, but aye, surreal place. It's grim doon south!

If you wanted to live with the benefits that capital living brings then I would suggest Edinburgh to anyone interested. I was there last month, It's basically London but set in Mordor. Tons of charity and record shops and hundreds of whiskeys available in every bar if that's your thing. There's a whiskey shop on every corner it seems and everyone is basically pissed 24/7 and stinking of scotch but nay trouble. Service charge is optional everywhere.

The closest I've been to Sheffield is Manchester. I remember the gangs of junkies overdosing in front of everyone in the main shopping district without anyone batting an eye. Also the geezer walking past me outside a pub shouting about how he was 'going to chin the next person he see's who is wearing a hawaiian shirt' as he stared right at me. Luckily I was wearing my plain shirt. Made for decent lyrics. So, if Sheffield is anything like that then it'll be canny like!

Everyone seemingly wants a piece of that superior northern arse!

My mum and dad are from Sheffield, i spent a lot of time there as a kid and was very fond of it but I've hardly been back as an adult. my cousins from there say there're no opportunities unless you want to work in a call centre.

As for scotch whiskey, it just tastes like earth mixed with lighter fluid

Sounds about right for a typical northern town. Why did you leave T&B? Had to get away from Alex cunting Turner? I remember actually, the international jet-set catwalk life came a knocking didn't it. Northern lad done areet!

I do like the Yorkshire accent, It brings a certain gravitas to film & games etc. For example the voice acting in Dark/Demon's Souls. The Japanese are in the know. Maybe your cousins could do this like, the solution is quite simply to... become... actors...

On the scotch: I have a cabinet full of bourbon whiskey, about fifteen bottles and only one bottle of scotch so I'm inclined to agree. However, drinking scotch in Scotland just simply had to be done, when in Rome N' that. I was in a scotch tasting museum or summit and asked the barman, It might be blasphemy but what scotch do you have that tastes most like bourbon. He gave me a couple of bottles to try and we had at it. Tasted nothing like bourbon, so initially I was perplexed but as I drank and the more I drank I got into it. Unlike bourbon it's not to be drank with ice, so you sip it straight which tends to sting your throat and blow yer head off. Love it nuw. I only had 2 shots worth but I could smell the scotch seeping through my pores the next day, hence everyone in the city stinking. Tis' a strange poison.