Why do I feel Like I hate colege?
 

I do, but I can't drop out because I see no other way to get out of this shithole I live in. I have been feeling shitty since two weeks ago. I am getting frustrated and I see no way out of this shitty thing I am in. I am starting to hate the values I once held closely, like caring for other people even if I do not know them, I just want to tell them get a fucking job or shut the fuck up and go and live your life without me. I hate elitist people more than anything, because they for once think they are better than I or the rest of the world. Frankly my dear you are a worthless piece of flesh, and you will die out like I will. And your last breath will be some vain attempt to salvage your soul, truth be told you are the last person to go to heaven. I want to cry, but I can't because BOYS DON'T CRY. I want to leave and never come back, and I think this is absurd because from what I know of my childhood I know I had a good life. And I truly love my family, and so forth. Well what it all comes down to is I want to live life, but I feel contrived to do what I am doing now.

Sorry for posting this, but need to vent out.

sounds like meeting the real world, and it doesnt get any better from here . if you cant change your perspective in your current situation , why not work and save money and travel ? try to see many different perspectives by actually physically experiencing differerent parts of the world .

I am working, but I can't save because I am always overdrawn. And I can't travel, because i need to finish school first. And I think I am meeting the real world, and god-damn it I hate it.

you will find yourself hearing that same thing you've said a million times . youve got to find a way to appreciate whats around you while youre in it , while not keeping too far off your discontent , using it to figure out a way to not be overdrawn (student loans ?? ) and sneak away some cash to run away . i try to do this all the time and im terrible at it . i try to get the shit-wheel rolling and accomplish a small thing...even if its to fuckign finish one damn school paper . when this happens, i get a slight bit motivated, and run with it . next thing you know im up all nigiht painting and doing things that give me satisfaction . but its hard to get out of a rut - a self-defeating attitude will perpetuate itself to no end .

I think I need to see a psychiatrist or something, because I've been feeling depressed since high school. I mean I was feeling happy for the last two months, I don't know what happened.

two months is a drop in a bucket .

by saying that you think you need to see a psychiatrist, do you mean you think you would like to talk through your shit and figure out the roots to your problems ? psychiatrists are only involoved in their profession for one thing - perscribing drugs . thats all they do . if youre into that sort of thing , fine . but as for counsellors, sometimes they do help , but on the whole , you are the only person that has been there since the beginning and you are the only person that can truly help you .

Well I can only remember about 1/3 about my childhood. The other parts are sketchy. That's what I mean.

because it hates you

ah, right . i remember you mentioning this in another thread .
regardless, its a good thing your future is not dependant on your past .
why cant you move on ?

I have no idea, my boyfriend tells me the same thing. I dwell on shit for way too long. I don't know why I do this sort of shit.

why do we hold onto anything ? the entire world of formed particles around you will exist to you as however you choose your perspective to be . believe me , i struggle with this all the time . i live on extremes - im either nauseatingly ecstatic or gloomy , and ive come to believe that this is the manifestation of the opposite of zen . when i exist in my daily life, that my mood and perspective can fluctuate so violently is merely the product of relying to harshly on the surfaces and appearances of particular situations . when i have a better grasp on my own emotions , when i have some control and focus , i find that my ability to reflect on a multitude of perspectives is balanced and im able to run into things screaming rather than be dragged into things against my will (by myself, of course )

is it because you cant spell college?

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:D

a lotta colleges have free shrinks. some are full of shit, but i'm all for freebies.

If you want to see a psych, then that's cool. But they have a tendency to make you think of yourself as a 'problem'. My advice would be to get through the last couple of months of college and see how you feel then.

enjoy the university time. you get to choose what you learn, when you learn it, what you do. what you are experiencing is NOTIONG compared to the malaise and horror you will ffeel when you enter the fully adult (meaning old people) working world. prepare for the shock of your life. i ecommend lots of smoke.

ha ha-- noo! noooo! weed will make you confused, you'll be late for appointments, misplace your papers, and ... er... what was i trying to say...?

anyway man college is tougher than highschool because you're expected to behave like an adult, meaning, you're on your own, and there's going to be a shock attached to that (unless you're like me, i LOOOOVED the university & was so glad to be done w/ fucking highschool i was completely euphoric for the first year).

about your childhood traumas etc. that's a separate story though it will impact the way you relate to the world. i suggest treatment, but if you can just wait for the summer because things tend to get worse before they get better.

i always recommend everyone going through this shit to watch the first 2 episodes of season 4 of buffy (buffy goes to college, see). or was it just the 1st one? yes just the 1st one. it's widely available on the interneck.

another thing you may be pheelin is lack of support etc and for that there are twatty groups of all sorts catering to all manner of special group, from the mexicaines to the lambdas to the d&d society ha ha no really.

sniff around & focus on doing good & don't worry about cutthroat ways-- look, the world is competitive, everybody wants to take away your lunch money, it's a given, learn to kick ass & don't worry about the other fucks-- some people have such a lack of talent for what they do that they compensate by becoming social manipulators-- sure they are a threat but you gotta learn to deal young man.

take a deep breath squeeze your nuts & jump in.

I too found university just so fucking freeing and wonderful. jr High andHigh school were the worst yhears of my life, and i too felt euphoric my first year at the University of Houston

bullshit - maybe in an over drugged, over fed, over aggressive culture like the US, they aren't like that in Australia

College is a galactic waste of time. Of course, you have to actually graduate and then get a job to realize this.

Ok, I didn't read every thread here cause I have to go back to work soon, so maybe this was already brought up. If you don't go to college, you will get stuck in a go-nowhere mediocre job. But if you go ahead, push through the struggle and finish college, do you have any idea what doors open and what future lays before you? You will get stuck in a go-nowhere mediocre job, plus you will have a bunch of student loans to pay. College is a scam. Initiative and drive are what get you where you want to go, not a degree. That's why Dave Thomas of Wendy's never finished school, while half of the servers at Applebee's have their associates.

maybe you are thinking psychologists. psychiatrists write Rx's....that's what makes them a psychiatrist versus a psychologist.

then again, what do I know? I'm over drugged, over fed and over aggressive. ROOOAR! where's my super-sized thorazine big mac??

I blame vegemite deficiency.

well, yes and no. for every dave thomas (or bill gates, or woody allen) there are millions of people making minimum wage and struggling to get a degree while working full time and raising children-- degrees pay off.

of course wankers with no initiative will remain what they are whether they get a college degree or not. college is what you make of it, and if you work your ass off, it will pay off very nicely.

now if i were to get an associates, i'd be an electrician rather than some wankery degree.

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and before i forget: there are MANY professions where a degree is required. you simply can't be a nurse or doctor without a degree, for example. licensed professions require study.

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and i'll add futher: why does everybody who does NOT finish college feel compelled to justify their choice by encouraging others to do the same?

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EDIT: and furthermore!
dave thomas grew up in a different era. the fact is that today's jobs require a greater degree of knowledge and the BA is soon becoming the new high school diploma.

go !@#$%!

yes.

university has been changed in the past 25 years froma place for higher education and the learning of critical thinking, to a place you go to to get a good job afterwards. That is such bullshit. University should eb taken with the main intention of betterment, of learning, of exposing yourself to opeope and culture and wisdom you would not otherwise have access to.
to treat university as some sort of fucking job mill demeans it.
I knew and know many people who go just because they want a job in an office and they need a bacheklors in buisness or that ever favorite "communications" to get a good starting job.

fuck that
if you want a good job go to trade school.

if you want to learn and expand your mind (and it takes a lot of work and rigor) then you should go to university.

I was having a rough time in college before I transferred. I started seeing a counselor (for the third time in my life) and once again, I did not feel that it helped. The only thing that helped was getting the hell out of there. I transferred to a community college back home. So far school is pretty good. I don't have any friends, but I am realizing that I don't really care about friends. Friends and I have never gotten along too well in the past. I don't know why that is. I much prefer just being around my family.

and so it doesn't seem like a waste of a contribution let me add.

most of my friends who finished college have good jobs, my lady friend is handling product development at wal mart, my other friend is assistant to the director of red pack (ups-like for corporates here) and handles many accounts on his own and another friend is the owner of a big meat by products company that is, on his watch, already exporting to 8 countries, including germany; my ex is managing a chain of hotels and...well i can't remember all of them.

of course, some of them are working as secretaries ande office boys but that's because they can't do/don't know better.

not everyone i studied with are doing the bohemian life like me.

Burn, burn, and triple burn! But I guess you are right. I did drop out of college. Twice actually. Yeah, I know, it's pathetic. And don't think I'm not reminded of that by my mom, brother, wife, etc., all of the time. So maybe I feel that if I can get more people to follow in my way, then the rule that majority wins will go into effect and I will be in the right again.

autodidactism for the win!

autodidacts rule.......

sorry it was not my intention to burn, but i do see encouraging people to drop out of college as a bit of a crime. now i don't think dropping out is necessarily pathetic-- sometimes people aren't ready for it when they're 18 (they wanna drink, fuck, and be goofy), but eventually the pressures of the world arrive and an education becomes the door to a better life (however you wanna define that). now, you're a smart person, and with a caring wife nagging your ass about it you'll probably look into one of those online degree programs eventually. i think those are good, because the people who take them actually see them as important for their careers & take them seriously & profit from them.

now i ALSO agree w/ rob about college as a mindexpanding experience-- that's mainly what it was for me; i studied biology & do not work in it-- but i did meet amazing people, learned incredible things, and did stuff that i would not have been able to do if i had been surrounded by corporate drones in their desks. the education i got, while not directly utilized, equipped me for further adventures in thought & reason that would have been closed to me otherwise.

but yes also who sez you can't expand your mind AND get a decent job afterwards? you definitely can.

and about autodidactism: most of the things i've learned i learned on my own. you don't have to limit yourself to college-- you can be an autodidact BEYOND college. as a matter of fact, the work i currently do i learned wholly by myself from books & other sources. yet the academic education i got gave me the tools to make this process smooth AND it added a scope of knowledge & understanding that opens more doors than you can imagine.

anyway blah blah blah, my lunch break is over, the boss (that's me) is calling.

I doubt it. My wife doesn't nag me about getting an education. In fact, she doesn't want me to go back to school. She just gets on me for having gone twice and dropping out both times :)

oh! ah! i misunderstood :D

beat me to it, bastard.

no i'm not think psychologists, go get you big mac

Thanks for all your input. Especially Rob and Unmentionable. I still feel shitty, but like I said before this is my only way out. I do like though the different ideas teachers have, and people I've met. But I am coming down already off of this.

sorry luxy. maybe it was too much stress for you to handle at the time. looks like the slower pace & convenient location is working for you.


hell yes man-- only way out is about right. stick it out, learn to deal, you'll get what you want. and you know there are plenty resources for you to enjoy if you look around. was this your 1st semester? 2nd? ??

Don't worry. I feel the same way. I just finished my second quarter of college and I hate it. I don't just hate college, I hate all school (elementary, junior high, high school); I always have. But throughout my whole life I could see no other way to get out of my status in society other than by getting a good education. I knew at a very young age that I had to go to college. I, like you, also want to leave. I have a great family and I had a great childhood too. But I just want to go far way and be on my own. But I can't; I need to finish school, pay off my car, and my mom would not take my departure very well.

Right now, I plan to get my degree and after that I'll just leave. I love my family, but I just want to drop out and leave and live on my own.

Anyways, just keep trying to go to shcool. You've gone for 12 years so you might as well go for 4 more. It'll go by fast. I'm almost finishing my first year and it feels like I just started. Also, make friends at school. It really helps.

at this point i don't even consider it an option.
whatever happened to college radio?

I think it died out, cantanky. I blame the mass media for destroying it. However my school did have a radio when I was eating dinner there.