K-krack, now inspired, puts a patent on a toilet that embraces you warmly as you defecate into it's porcelain pot.

Unfortunately, k-krack was mutilated by his own invention months later.

Luckily the mutilation was only a cut/scar, and was just another story fo' da' ladiez.

"k-krack is a fucking liar!" shouted the narrator, "i saw it happen! they had to reattatch his entire arm!"

"That's fucking bullshit! They took that out of context!!! M arm was off before i got on the fucking toilet!!!" shouted a pissed of k-krack.

"narrators aren't allowed to do things like that, or we might end up in your situation, mr. krack," firmly stated the narrator, "i speak nothing but the truth"

"What a fucking load... Lemme talk to yr fucking manager. i want this bullshit cleaned up, this is fucking garbage. reporting false.. fucking..information... it's bullshit... fucking straight-up, grade-a BULLSHIT!!!!" replied the now infuriated k-krack.

"i am the manager. you're wrong." the manager (oops i mean narrator) continued.

BANG

"This just in, narrator has been motha'fuckin' MURDAH'D by k-krack! YES! MURDAH'D by k-krack! That motherfucker's days of spreading bullshit and false info iz OVER!!!" stated the excited and clearly giddy anchorman on the universal news channel. He also hated that dumbass narrator.

meanwhile, toilette was busy putting up signs that read "lost kitten" with pictures of cantankerous on them.

"where oh where could she be?" he wondered, as the furrow in his brow continued to grow deeper.

She was parading around nude as the day she was born and putting her tits in nature magazines, that ho.

little did k-krack realize that cantankerous was born fully clothed.

Woops, did i say "as the day she was born?" i meant to say "naked as somebody having sex," sorry about the confusion.

Now that that is out of the way, it's over to Jenny, with tonights weather forecast! What news, Jenny?

Well, thanks Jim, it seems that rain is due, and everybody wants to be gay!

Thanks Jenny, and on that note, it's been a wonderful day, and we here at Totally Shitty News swish you a good september 3 evening. thanks for watching and goodniiiiiiggght everyone.

Suddenly the news flickered back on, reading "special report"

"This just in! cantankerous has finally put some goddamn clothes on and she and coco will be putting on a free concert at altamont speedway!" announced the news anchorman.