"Which one of you guys called me a comedian?" Vince Vaughan asked in his best Salford accent.

Steve ran, shouting "Great idea about the Jolie t-shirts!" and leaving the promissory note dangling from Thurston's awkwardly outstretched hand; his face frozen in a mask of fear, as Vince Vaughn stalked menancingly towards him.

''Jesus Christ, Vince Vaughn, you never quit and apparently your jokes never start, don't come at me with that 'you banged Jennifer, while rolling a jay' shit anymore, I told you I'm only drink heavily'' said a angry angry Steve Buscemi in his note.

This was just the moment that Steve Shelley had been waiting for.

Suddenly, Scarlet Johansson appeared out of nowhere, "Have you guys seen Jessica Alba anywhere? That bitch needs a good ho-slap."

Steve Shelley had a lightning rethink, and decided that maybe this wasn't the moment he had been waiting for after all.

He crept back into the bushes, where he hid his stash of AK-47 ammunition and hydrogen grenades, grinning quietly to himself at his quick thinking wilyness.

Thurston, realizing this was an extremely boring day so far, had made it his aim to get some baked items and cut out to his abode,'Fuck these celebs, i hate Scarlett Johansen and Vince Vaughn made me laugh a little, but the guy has a small package for such a big man, and oh well,let's go kick around some jams' he said to Steve Shelley, who wanted to stay and watch Scarlett perform oral functions on a neighboring homeless man.

Keira Knightley sashayed along the sidewalk, wearing no bra, her tiny breasts outlined beautifully by her tight white t-shirt, and asked, "Does anyone here know sonicl, I've heard he wants to get into my pants"



[EDIT - Well, you never know, she might read this...]

The homeless man perked up at this.

He sensed that maybe this could be his opportunity to get some new underwear, to replace Julie Andrews' knickers that he had been wearing for the last three weeks.

Julie Andrews refused to comment on this, her publicist insisting that "...she had nor prior foreknowledge of this..."

Suddenly, out of nowhere, Kim appeared, waving a badly burned piece of bread and crying.

Vince Vaughn, who had always harboured a secret longing for Kim, adjusted his speedos gallantly.

"Hey, Baby Doll," he purred, "What's troublin' your pretty face?".

"Nothing", she said.

"Oh", he said, and went off in search of someone else to hit on.

Kim took a bite of the burned toast while whipping the tears from her eyes.

'Ugh', she muttered, 'unsalted butter!'.

She grabbed the jar of peanut butter from the kitchen cupboard and took of the lid.

Grabbing the knife, she began spreading the peanut butter on the toast, until the knife hit something hard in the jar.

Taking it out, she discovered it was Jessica Alba's ring finger, neatly severed at the joint.

Kim was reminded that she hadn't taken this evening's dinner, a nice piece of beef, out of the freezer.

At that very moment the phone rang. Ring! Ring!

The cat came running in from the garden and skidded on the peanut butter.

Thurston, who was just returning from his walk with Steve, stopped in the doorway and surveyed the scene, then turned to Steve and said "It looks like it's a bit too late to give her that box of Pop Tarts."

'You've got Girls Aloud in a box?' asked Kim, astonished..

"Look here", said Thurston, "I hardly see you half the time because you're off with Coco and Beck doing kids TV shows, I need the celebs around to stop me getting lonely"

'But still', cried Kim (a diehard Sugababes fan), ' you could have managed better than Girls Aloud, surely?'

"Do we have to go over this again", murmured Thuston, irritated, "I've told you before, it's just a case of biology."

'yeah, yeah, yeah - whateverrrrrrrr', answered Kim moodily.

A bunny hopped into the room through the open door, went twice around the room, then hopped out again and off down the street, never to be seen again.

'Why do things like that keep happening to us?' pondered thurston.

"I don't know," said Kim, "but what I do know is that I could sure fancy a blackcurrant ice lolly."

'Would someone please clean all this f***ing peanut butter off me?' screamed the cat.

Kim and Thurston looked at each other, somewhat amazed.

"Go on, don't just stand there and stare at each other", said the cat.

'Have you been teaching that cat to swear?' asked Kim.

Beck appeared and cleaned the cat with his toenails, "Hi guys!"

"No", said Thurston, "but I think I know who might have been."