satan: now mildly depressed

funny how quickly moods can change

I used to be depressed all the time, I still am depressed. However, I decided to let life be life, and I should live mine. Life is pointless, however, you can make it seem that it has a point in personal gains. I kind of agree with ASP's statement except fot the ocd, which I may or may not have:

heh...the alien is dancing to the music I got on....

Just gotta put things in perspective whenever you're feeling like shit. Develop your own views and philosophies on life and stick to them, they can really help you. Especially if you are convinced that you are right.

I'm not sure,some people i know sorta say to depressed people change your your outlook/adapt etc, depression is such an individual thing,theres no rulebook to it, then again the world really has it's bad side,maybe depression is a natural response to it all?. not saying you can't be happy,but i feel theres an ignorance is bliss type aspect to most therapies?(maybe).I think what i'm trying to say is people with depression are talked to/treated as if it's a medical condition, rather than depression being thought of something other than being something with a medicinal cure...

vague maybe,sorry.

pbradley, do you think that people are the sum of the chemicals in their brain?

Sorry to rein in on your emo party, but my life is AWESOME.
Now if you will excuse me, I have AWESOME stuff to tend to.
Ciao.

^ awesome...

awesome

always depressed. always.

How do you keep it together?

i never suggested i keep it together. ;)

i q u i t t a k i n g m y p i l l s

I think crazy, hurtful, mean, selfish, abusive girls turn me on the most.

How?

I dont mean why, as in for what reasons, and whatever ways you feel the need to justify it.

But does it work for you? How do you carry on with it?

wow deja vu

I just mean that I find my girlfriend, in particular, more attractive when she's an awful human being to me. That doesn't mean our relationship is healthier, I just find her more sexually attractive. It probably can be linked to being abused when I was little. Maybe? I dunno. But I don't just mean, IN BED, she's mean to me. I mean, lots of people like that... I'm talking, she can make me cry in "real" life, during an intense argument, and then almost immediately I will pop a boner and just be like mmmm. Even as I'm crying. That's fucked up, I know, but it's true. I think I made a thread about it. The meaner she is to me, the more I want to bone her. I've noticed intense feelings of sexual urge towards her recently, and not just as some kind of weird defense mechanism (I doubt it, at least, even subconsciously). In other words, I'm not going "You're being mean to me, eh? Well, I'll fuck you real good and show you whose in charge" or something. It's not a power trip. I think I find the idea of anger attractive. Or perhaps I'm attracted to the passion (or lack therof) behind being a bad human being. Obviously, she has plenty of great qualities, but I tend to be more attracted when she's being... less attractive. Eh?

^that's really interesting and it probably has a lot to do with childhood abuse. however you can't chalk it up to that alone, things like this are multi-faceted and what you said about being attracted to the passion behind anger is kind of profound.

Are you ok with this situation, or are you obsessed with finding out the whys and hows?

Apologies for QUESTION TIME, I'm curious, and you seem willing to speak. You dont have to.

Nah, I'm not okay with the situation. I mean, obviously, if someone is lying and bad to me, I kinda wish they'd stop, in all reality. But, and this is the part I can't help: It still turns me on. I guess I don't want her to be the lowest-of-the-low human scum... but the fact she's generally a sweet, wonderful person to me.. I guess, yeah, it's just.. to see the passion in her.. gets me off.

It's like, she doesn't smoke often, but we'll share a cigarette sometimes. And damn I just want to... well, you know. I think being bad turns me on, in general. Even if it extends far beyond bedroom antics and into real life arguments. Don't get me wrong, I'd still be into her if she was "sweet" to me, I'm not a total masochist. But I just like the idea of her being a bitch to me, even if it hurts me at the same time.